The World’s Best Croissant: The Single-Entendre Recipe


We all know the best croissants are made in France, and they are worth the long trip. But what if you can’t make it to Paris or your favorite bakery? What do you do when cravings strike? Fear not! There is a solution! A recipe for the world’s best croissant that will satisfy any craving. This recipe is simple enough for anyone to follow and comes with step by step instructions so there is no room for error. Give this single-entendre recipe a try today; your stomach will thank you tomorrow!

In a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook, mix together yeast and warm water until dissolved. Add sugar and whisk in eggs one at a time (make sure to wait for each egg before adding another). Add melted butter, salt, milk powder and flour; stir well until combined. Knead on high speed about 15 minutes or so, slowing down towards end as necessary to avoid burning out motor. Cover bowl with kitchen towel; let rise in oven that is set at 120˚F OR if you don’t have an oven that goes low enough then cover it loosely with plastic wrap and put it somewhere nice and cozy like your dryer or even outside during winter! Let rise for at least an hour or until doubled in size. Punch dough down, cover again and let rise for another 30 minutes.

make it into a rectangle (make sure to dust with flour before doing this) and then cut the dough into 12 triangles. Roll up each triangle from shortest end to longest point – you should be able to see that they are shaped like little croissants now! Put on baking sheet lined with parchment paper, brush lightly with egg wash made of a beaten egg mixed with water. Sprinkle generously with sugar if desired; bake in oven set at 400˚F for about 15-20 minutes or until golden brown all over.

Now your mouth is watering just as much as mine was when I was typing this!

This item is a croissant, so if you’re going to finish that one (don’t worry it’s not rude!) I have the perfect recipe for you. First of all we need some yeast. Add milk and honey to warm water in a bowl or measuring cup until just lukewarm. Sprinkle with sugar and stir well. Then mix in dry yeast; let sit for five minutes to activate the yeast before adding flour on top and mixing into dough using your hands- It should start coming together nicely now but still be wet enough that it won’t feel like traditional bread dough- Cover the bowl with a dry kitchen towel and set aside for about an hour.

Now the dough should have expanded in size, so punch it down with your fist until all of that air is released. Cut off one third of the dough- this will be our croissant roll -and put it on a floured counter or surface (you may need to flour generously!). Roll out into rectangle shape using minimal flour if needed; very lightly brush some water over surface before rolling up lengthwise from the short end like you’re doing with traditional buns when making cinnamon rolls, but don’t seal tightly at first! So let’s look at what we have now: there are two layers along one edge because you rolled up just half way and then sealed- that’s the secret to a light, flaky croissant.

take your time and gently tug at each end of that roll, bringing it towards the center so you’re pulling those layers up (but not so far in as to seal them!) and then fold under or just press down with one finger into what will be our final shape- all while being careful not to knead too much dough! The whole process should only take about two minutes; if after this point there are any openings on either side of the rectangle where you can see some fat still sticking out from beneath some other layer, use your fingers very carefully to pull off that excess before rolling back lengthwise again without sealing at first. Now we’re ready to seal, and the best way to do that is with a very sharp knife. You want it cutting through those layers in order so you can fold them over on top of each other without causing any damage or flattening anything out; this takes some doing but you’ll get there eventually!

Once your croissant is sealed all around, find yourself a lightly floured surface again- for me I have my countertop next to where I usually roll dough which works well. There are two parts left: first we need to make our little indentations (the ones that will form the “crunchy” part!) by pressing down hard into the center using your fingers like before – be careful not to press too deep as this will just cause your dough to flatten out.

Next, we are going to take a rolling pin and roll it over the croissant one more time- this will “punish” those indentations so they don’t rise back up when you bake them! Then cover your work surface with some parchment paper (not wax or anything else – this is key!) and place the bread on top. Roll until it’s about 18 inches long by 12 inches wide; make sure there are not any creases in either of these measurements as that can affect how well everything rises while baking. Now fold the two ends of the rectangle into thirds like an envelope, then lay down another piece of parchment paper onto which you’re going to cut strips one inch apart.

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By Steffan Devin

Hipster-friendly creator. Music guru. Proud student. Bacon buff. Avid web lover. Social media specialist. Gamer.

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